Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I was driving down county road 124 up near Creemore after going to look at Amish furniture in the country, when I saw one police car and then two zipping along the road with their lights and sirens on. I used to work at a donut shop in the U.S. so I know that cops can turn on the sirens when they want to make it quickly for a hot cinnamon twister so I paid no attention. As cars pulled over to the side of the road I wondered why they were all moving to the shoulder. I decided to dismiss it as I listened to my early 60's CD of Chuck Berry. Just as I was singing along to DRIVIN' ALONG IN MY AUTOMOBILE' I was cut off by a cop who did a fancy 360 in front of me leaving a fishtail mark in rubber on the road. He then dashed out of his car and rushed to my car window with a side kick who was just learning how to be a cop. (Like does it take more than a day?)
Deciding to be friendly , as my father said, being friendly is as easy as not, and besides it puts everything on a good footing, I said, "Wow the weirdest thing just happened. I was listening to 'Ridin' along in my automobile' just as I was actually riding along in my automobile listening to the line 'My curiosity runnin' wild' when I saw you as I was riding along and was curious about what was going on." The cop just stared at me as though I was speaking in tongues, so I explained, "You know I was doing exactly what the song said, exactly as the song said it. Weird-no?"
The older cop said, "Listen lady I don't know what your rambling on about and I don't care. However we have been on a chase for you for over twenty minutes.
"Wow!" I said, "Well You've got me. What did you want?-- to come to my book launch?"
"We have had to call out other cars when you wouldn't stop your vehicle." ( He pronounced Vehicle with the accent on the middle of the word- as in veHICle. "We have cleared the road and cut you off." I piped in at this point, "I noticed that. I thought for policemen that was rather rude."
"You have been resisting arrest for almost a half hour."
"That's hilarious." I responded. I wondered what all the kerfuffle was about."
The older policeman turned to the younger one and said, "This is not typical." and then he continued, "There is a $500 dollar fine for not pulling off the road when a policeman signals with his siren and lights." Then he looked at my ownership and said I hadn't signed the ownership and my insurance paper in the glove compartment was over a year old. "Each of those infractons is $100. You were speeding going 115 in an 80kph zone. That is $220. All together your little joy ride with Chuck Berry will cost you 3 points on your license and about a grand."
"Well what if you were to receive an invitation to my book launch?" I asked warmly, holding a yellow and green invitation out the window with a picture of me at the age of 18 planted in the bulls eye of a peace sign."
The younger policeman started to take the invitation to look at it. The older one said, "Don't engage" to him. The younger one immediately withdrew his hand and placed it on the top of his gun. I guess he figured if you show your launch invitation then who knows what violence could be next.
The older policeman had had the biscuit by now and said, "Stop talking about this launch. I don't care about it. I am concerned about the very big problem at hand."
"What if it's a launch of a book about the 1960's when you were a frisky lad," I asked. Now that might peak your interest.
"I don't care" he screamed. "You don't seem to know the trouble you're in." Then he added as an aside."Besides there is nothing of any value in the 1960's other than the Beatles."
I then pointed to the launch invitation which is a cover of my new book about the 60's where I am wearing a sort of St. Pepper navy outfit with red bands across the chest with gold buttons at each end. I said, "See that girl in that outfit. This 62 year old woman you are now screaming at was that teenage girl. John Lennon saw that picture of me in 1966 and wrote St. Pepper Lonely hearts club band based on the photo. That's why it is on the cover of the book."
"That's nuts" he said.
"Then you tell me why it is on the cover of a book on the 60's?" I responded.
" The junior cop, clearly buying in, said "It is on the cover."
They both retired to the squad car for a long while taking the invitation with them. What were they going to do-- call it in the department of Motor Vehicles.
They both emerged again, swaggered over to my car and said, "Well we are keeping this invitation so I hope there is no funny business here. We are dropping the resisting arrest charge, the ownerhip and the insurance infractions. As he handed me a ticket for speeding he said, "You can go to court and fight the speeding ticket if you don't want any points."
I smiled, waved and said "See you at the launch" and sped away.